what do i wanna be when i grow up?

The morning began with a GP Talk. The GP Talk today was really awesome. I think the Prof put quite a lot things into very digestible terms. I was not taken away by what he presented, but instead I was just taken away by who he is. His list of credentials seems to stretch for miles when Ho Poh Fun read it out. He chairs this board and that board, heads this department and that, a fellow at some uni, a member of this committee, etc. OH my goodness, I don't know how he can cope with all that. He says he normally will not sleep any earlier than 2am. Thats crazy! Out of my mind if i were to do that. Then he went to talk about oppurtunities that we can uncover in the field of BioMedicine. Talked about AStar and scholarships and all taht. The point of it all is that it got my and my friends thinking. In fact, it got me worrying. Worrying about how my future will be like. What will happen to me come 1 and a half year's time? Where will my ALevels results take me? Will it be enough to land a scholarship, enter a prestigious University, land a well-earning job? In the first place, what do I wanna do once I leave JC? Which course do i wanna pursue? Is it worth it (to go all the way overseas)? Is it long term (continue to further degrees)? What do I wanna be when I grow up? I simply cannot answer these questions, they baffle me time and again. For the past few years of my life, I haven't been answering these qusetions myself, my parents did it for me. Yes, my parents. I have just been following all these years, obeying. Now when it comes to making a decision that is going to shape my future, I come to a carrefour where I find it so difficult to make head or tail of what I really want to do. Do you go where your talent or strength is? I don't have any to begin with. Do you go where your interest lies? What's my interest? I don't know! Why is it so difficult to make a choice? The trouble is that there are so many options offerred to you, you think the possibilities are endless. Then some people choose by elimination, I will take years to finish all my eliminations. I don't know what I wanna do in the future! Last time, in the past, it's much easier because as long as u finish schooling (secondary school was alright) then just find a job and settle down after a few years. Now, it's complicated. A Uni degree isn't enough. That would mean I would probably have to find means to continue schooling til I earn my further degrees, but imagine how long that would take! And if I were to have a scholarship, I would have to serve bond first. But to me, that's pretty fine because I would like an assured job. Moreover, scholarship holders (and not scholars, as they anyhow use the word 'scholars' these days) will start off their jobs with a higher than average income. Plus scholarship holders get allowance while they study. I definitely want these perks! Yup. My family is not rich, so of course I would look forward to these perks let say I am receiving a scholarship. So, therefore, the point is, it is definitely beneficial in my point of view to own a scholarship. So, in this neverending competitiveness, there is no better way to earn it other than through sparkling brilliant results (which means 4As in the promos to be able to do S papers) and a solid interview. Hmmm, the situation is very real. Maybe in a few years time when I come back to read this entry, then I would be able to answer my questions. I hope. Because time will not wait for me. Waiting is like biting off my own competitiveness, no point man. These questions are like those that we ask small little children who have just entered kindergarten and have learnt how to talk more than simple words. They can usually answer with aplomb. But me? I'm a wuse. I'm lousy I can't answer them. GOD HELP! sunday morning rain is falling steal some covers share some skin clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable you twist to fit the mold that i am in but things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do and i would gladly hit the road get up and go if i knew that someday it would lead me back to you that someday it would lead me back to you