Sunday, April 23, 2006
Saturday, April 15, 2006
eh wait, was that an interview? hmmm...
What was supposed to be a university application interview turned out to be a warm insightful conversation! That was the delightful surprise I had today, when I went for my SMU Interview at the School of Economics and Social Science. The 2 profs, who didn't introduce themselves (why?!) were just very friendly to begin with. The ponytailed one. Oh my God! He's a great conversationalist thankgod. Its a fitting end to the week, especially after I had to endure a day of doing nothing at all, stuck in SAFTI, doing CDS on a GOOD FRIDAY! nevermind, Timothy says he will do for me when it's Hari Raya! HAHAHA! Ahhh, I took the plunge, now I wait for the outcome.
I am in an introspective mood right now. I need to; it is at this stage that I need to think more and write more about who I am and what I am going to be.
I am in an introspective mood right now. I need to; it is at this stage that I need to think more and write more about who I am and what I am going to be.
An Officer Cadet's Dilemma
So now the circle of friends I have always known are fully into the system. By that I mean they are all serving their NS liability. Kopi just enlisted into BMT while Adz is in SCDF (as an ERS?! I am not well-versed with the CD stream...). Meanwhile, Zat is a vehicle technician while Abang is a clerk - they're PES C to begin with. And on the other hand, the four of us are in OCS: Rudy, solo in Tango. Iylia and Jau together at Delta. And myself stranded at Foxtrot.
Ever since we entered OCS, there hadn't been an opportunity for us to meet up on the weekend book out. None whatsoever. It will be a challenge to find the right time and the right place. I suppose next week may provide the answer, but that remains to be seen, since Kopi's not through with his confinement period yet.
What has happened thus far in OCS is so varied, so intense at times, even so dry and naggy, that I can't seem to find a word to describe it all. One fleeting moment, I would feel very motivated to perform well, and the next, I could not find a reason why I chose to enter command school. I want to work hard, yet I also want to 'slack'. At times, I felt that I shouldn't be there - this I felt quite often - but I know life would be even worse elsewhere.
My peers dream about which vocation they prefer to join come Pro Term, and even beyond Commisioning Day, and they speak excitedly about it too. Yet I can't foresee myself even undergoing the next month of training. The fact of the matter is that OCS is truly like giving birth to a child, or should I say an officer. By this, I just gave you an analogy. Firstly, it takes one 9 months (or 38 weeks, roughly) to complete OCS. On top of that, it is a gruelling pain if one is not prepared and one chooses to 'heck care'. And there are dropouts just as there are miscarriages, owing to injury, either past or present, or a lack of integrity, or actually anything under the sun really. There is even an OCS Tunnel that is akin to the mother's womb. That is where YSLs (Young Second Liutenants) march out from, upon being commisioned. Alas, he becomes a newborn Officer. I can sense how proud mothers are when they put that Single Black Bar on their son's shoulders, and how proud that YSL is of himself too. It symbolises a great achievement for anyone, as OCS is never a stroll in the park. Yet I can't foresee that happening to myself. I am in a very privileged position to be chosen as an Officer Cadet among the scores of recruits. However, I can't see myself as a military man. Not in the army. In the airforce? Please, isn't it obvious? Navy maybe? Perhaps if I was accorded a contract offer which never beckoned. I sense a little discriminatory practice but I was possibly one of the least cut-out for such careers, at least that's what I choose to believe. These are men who are more suitable, and they are rightly chosen.
But why not just carry on, make the best of my current predisposition? It is because I have set my mind on medicine, that's why. Medicine studies at NUS open up the option to disrupt, a very tempting and advantageous decision that I will surely make if I were offered acceptance into the Yong Loo Lin Sch Of Medicine. The time to disrupt will be sometime in June, before classes commence a month or so later. That is probably the only thing I can think about right now: the chance to enter Med Sch. This kind yet ferocious gentleman by the name of Mahesh has begun to understand my psyche. He has tended to a hoarde of men before me, from as many diverse backgrounds as there are new Pap candidates :) . He thinks it is better to commision first, then leave for Med Sch. I have a senior who followed that path but I chooose not to trace it. It is better for myself to go straight this year as that means I would not lose out to the fairer sex of my batch. My gentlemanly instructor knows that. But he wants me to at least fulfill my duties as a cadet, for personal satisfaction. And I fully agree with his opinion. I have to come up with a different motivation, as thinking too much about Med Sch may not do myself justice in OCS. I will step up and refocus my drive on something else - surely there's something else I can find! - and there will be more strength to carry on. At the rate I am going, I will get nowhere and that is not me. I may dislike the army and its regimentation, but I have section mates who love it to the core and without me, they may be useless, or at a bigger disadvantage to achieve what they have set to achieve in OCS. I should utilise all of my capabilities, to the best of my ability. Only then can I show them that I truly know what I want, and that is still, to be a doctor.
Ever since we entered OCS, there hadn't been an opportunity for us to meet up on the weekend book out. None whatsoever. It will be a challenge to find the right time and the right place. I suppose next week may provide the answer, but that remains to be seen, since Kopi's not through with his confinement period yet.
What has happened thus far in OCS is so varied, so intense at times, even so dry and naggy, that I can't seem to find a word to describe it all. One fleeting moment, I would feel very motivated to perform well, and the next, I could not find a reason why I chose to enter command school. I want to work hard, yet I also want to 'slack'. At times, I felt that I shouldn't be there - this I felt quite often - but I know life would be even worse elsewhere.
My peers dream about which vocation they prefer to join come Pro Term, and even beyond Commisioning Day, and they speak excitedly about it too. Yet I can't foresee myself even undergoing the next month of training. The fact of the matter is that OCS is truly like giving birth to a child, or should I say an officer. By this, I just gave you an analogy. Firstly, it takes one 9 months (or 38 weeks, roughly) to complete OCS. On top of that, it is a gruelling pain if one is not prepared and one chooses to 'heck care'. And there are dropouts just as there are miscarriages, owing to injury, either past or present, or a lack of integrity, or actually anything under the sun really. There is even an OCS Tunnel that is akin to the mother's womb. That is where YSLs (Young Second Liutenants) march out from, upon being commisioned. Alas, he becomes a newborn Officer. I can sense how proud mothers are when they put that Single Black Bar on their son's shoulders, and how proud that YSL is of himself too. It symbolises a great achievement for anyone, as OCS is never a stroll in the park. Yet I can't foresee that happening to myself. I am in a very privileged position to be chosen as an Officer Cadet among the scores of recruits. However, I can't see myself as a military man. Not in the army. In the airforce? Please, isn't it obvious? Navy maybe? Perhaps if I was accorded a contract offer which never beckoned. I sense a little discriminatory practice but I was possibly one of the least cut-out for such careers, at least that's what I choose to believe. These are men who are more suitable, and they are rightly chosen.
But why not just carry on, make the best of my current predisposition? It is because I have set my mind on medicine, that's why. Medicine studies at NUS open up the option to disrupt, a very tempting and advantageous decision that I will surely make if I were offered acceptance into the Yong Loo Lin Sch Of Medicine. The time to disrupt will be sometime in June, before classes commence a month or so later. That is probably the only thing I can think about right now: the chance to enter Med Sch. This kind yet ferocious gentleman by the name of Mahesh has begun to understand my psyche. He has tended to a hoarde of men before me, from as many diverse backgrounds as there are new Pap candidates :) . He thinks it is better to commision first, then leave for Med Sch. I have a senior who followed that path but I chooose not to trace it. It is better for myself to go straight this year as that means I would not lose out to the fairer sex of my batch. My gentlemanly instructor knows that. But he wants me to at least fulfill my duties as a cadet, for personal satisfaction. And I fully agree with his opinion. I have to come up with a different motivation, as thinking too much about Med Sch may not do myself justice in OCS. I will step up and refocus my drive on something else - surely there's something else I can find! - and there will be more strength to carry on. At the rate I am going, I will get nowhere and that is not me. I may dislike the army and its regimentation, but I have section mates who love it to the core and without me, they may be useless, or at a bigger disadvantage to achieve what they have set to achieve in OCS. I should utilise all of my capabilities, to the best of my ability. Only then can I show them that I truly know what I want, and that is still, to be a doctor.
Friday, April 07, 2006
freedom!
Hey hey heya!
After 3 weeks of confinement, this bookout feels superduper shiok la. I really think OCS is kind of messy. It messed up my life thus far I must say. I met so many new people, people I've never ever seen before in my life. On top of that, the whole culture of OCS came as a shock to me. OCS is worlds apart from HAWK Coy. Life is going to be tough man. Will update when I have more time. Oh and I think I have screwed my MPA interview. Really. I didn't even try to sell myself. Hopeless. I hope they still want me. But NUS!!! How come no letter yet? InsyaAllah, sooner or later please. Please! Ok... selamat. Maybe I'll just go RJC Official Opening tomorrow.
And guess what, I have Cadet Duty Sergeant duty on Good Friday! WELL DONE! This is not an extra, but rather the luck of the draw. Damn.
After 3 weeks of confinement, this bookout feels superduper shiok la. I really think OCS is kind of messy. It messed up my life thus far I must say. I met so many new people, people I've never ever seen before in my life. On top of that, the whole culture of OCS came as a shock to me. OCS is worlds apart from HAWK Coy. Life is going to be tough man. Will update when I have more time. Oh and I think I have screwed my MPA interview. Really. I didn't even try to sell myself. Hopeless. I hope they still want me. But NUS!!! How come no letter yet? InsyaAllah, sooner or later please. Please! Ok... selamat. Maybe I'll just go RJC Official Opening tomorrow.
And guess what, I have Cadet Duty Sergeant duty on Good Friday! WELL DONE! This is not an extra, but rather the luck of the draw. Damn.
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