not too sure with myself

it seems that she got quite affected by it.
i didn't know how to say it.
but it came out.
not sure if it came out right.
definitely not. right.
i just hope that she sees what i see in her.
that could very well make her christmas this year.
it's okay if you don't feel all too festive.
it's been like that for me for a few years now already.
the festive season is over-hyped. i'm sure all of you can agree with this.
but there. i took that first step.
there are many more steps.
and i'm not sure where i'm heading.
nonetheless, it's not zero progress after all.
so yay!

itching at a start.

i promise to get back to writing.
this is not the start.
at least not the start i dreamed of.
i have within me a mixed bag of feelings.
which i don't know how to unravel.
or how to interprete.
it does matter.
i have got noone else.
sometimes, i think it's right in front of my eyes.
or right beside me.
or just a few button-pressing away.
yet i got no balls for all that.
oh how sorry i am.