1. In Bugis, near the new national library, we met an aspiring musician who goes by the name of 3dash1equals2 (3-1=2).
Reporter: Hi, care for an interview?
3-1=2: How's it hangin', dawg?
Reporter: What's hanging? You mean who's hanging who is it? I know.
3-1=2: Huh?
Reporter: The police are hanging Took Leng How this very moment.
3-1=2: Huh?
Reporter: Tell me, what are you doing with that guitar?
3-1=2: I am an aspiring musician. A f****** rocker. Here's my contact, (striking a rhythm) 3 to the 1 to the 2, that's me (flashes wide toothy grin).
Reporter: Wait a minute, you must be the winner of The Straight Times School of Rock competition! I'm so please to meet you.
Mic Man: Eh ah boy, my daughter wants your autograph hor.
Reporter: Since when you have a daughter Mic Man?
Mic Man: Aiyah, my China mei mei loves rock song la. I call her my Daughter Princess.
3-1=2: Dude. Dude. I am 3-1=2. Not 3-1. Those people don't deserve it. They can't even complete simple maths. Yet they are still in school. That's screwed up. I'm a dropout yet I know my maths.
Reporter: You're a dropout?
3-1=2: The damned journalists all tell me I'm not eligible. I'm still 17 man!
Reporter: Ain't that unfair or what?
3-1=2: Yeah that ain't gonna break me, dawg. I've decided I'm going to organize my own competition, the School DropOut of Rock Competition! Holler if ya hear me...! Straight Times, you can kiss my ass because I tak cebok*. Hahahahaha!
Reporter: I'm sure you didn't mean that.
3-1=2: Oh yes I do. You wanna try? Here (starts undoing his pants)...
Reporter: That's a WRAP!!!(runs for dear life)
Index: tak cebok - never wash backside
2. In the MRT heading towards the East. F.artMed met Zoe Tay and wanted to interview her, until this woman came up and had this to say:
Although Mic Man was getting hot and bothered and wanted to interview this woman instead, F.artMed was informed in Mandarin that Zoe Tay could neither understand nor speak any English, except when she is given a simple script to memorize for one month. So, F.artMed decided to search elsewhere.
3. In a Lan shop near King Albert Park, F.artMed saw a number of pale-skinned teenagers playing some noisy game.
Reporter: Assalamualaikum.
Mic Man: Boss you're an asshole la. These kids are chinese la, of course not Muslim!
A Chinese Boy (who looks more Indian, or Malay, or Eurasian, or dunno what rojak combination) walked past, and replied: "Waalaikumsalam. I'm Mikail, 2005 President's Scholar. Nice to meet you.") He walked out of the shop.
Reporter: (smug) See. I'm smart.
Mic Man: (pissed) Hurry up interview.
Reporter: Hi, are you a student?
Chinese Boy (CB) 1: Lan cheow KNN la. I'm playing here can't you see.
Reporter: What's that you're playing?
CB2: DotA! Now pack your shit and buzz off.
Reporter: Eh I recognize this badge and that uniform you're wearing inside out. That's China High right!
CB2: Oi Mister! Not so loud la. They don't allow students here at this time! Not 12pm yet, cannot come here actually you know.
Reporter: But I'm right aren't I?
CB1: Not China High la nabei. It's Hwa Chiong Institute. News Flash! We changed our name! Eh f*** la, you kill me for what!
CB2: Ya, you never read newspaper meh?
Reporter: Oh, how do you feel about the name change? Is it refreshing or exciting, or... what say you?
CB2: You know what's refreshing? You getting your stinking breath away from my face. And take that you bastard. Hiyak!
CB1: Aiya jibyela, Hwa Chiong la, Hwa Zhu la, Celest Chong la, I don't care. All I care about is go home, just finish homework, get A then I can lan some more. Jibye.
Reporter: I see. Don't you guys have lessons?
CB1: I ponn* cannot ah? I still get 6 points for O levels what.
CB2: Oi stupid is it? Now we got thru train la. Where got O Levels?
CB1: Oh yah hor. O Levels for stupid people, errr.... I mean not so smart people... Err I mean for average people. We are just a little bit smarter. Little bit. You didn't record that, did you?
Reporter: No. We censor all your expletives also. (nudges the Mic man, whispering: "Oi make sure you record everything they say, understand?")
Mic Man gaves the thumbs up signal.
Reporter: One last question guys, how's it like to be in a school comprising of mainly Chinese? And completely boys?
Mic Man: That's 2 questions Boss.
CB1: Even your assistant smarter than you.
CBoys: HAHAHAHAHA...(whispering) Must be he's from a neighbourhood school.
CB2: Anyway, back to the question. It's good what. The only thing I hate is that Friday cannot go home early, because no Mats in our class la.
CB1: Ya and every year also we must celebrate Moon Cake Festival.
CB2: And anyway, we don't care also, if got no girls in school. They girls nowadays ah, eee yer. PUI! (spits on the mousepad). Either ah lian or what, bohemian ah. What the f*** is bohemian you tell me? I don't understand ok! Boh my lan cheow la!
CB1: Did you read Uban* today? Uban says university not bad, got good looking chio bu also.
CB2: Aiyoh, you stupid is it? All the chio bus are in the international schools la. Uban talking nonsense again. That Dylan Puih. Talk rot king.
CB1: Yaya kan nah sai. OK, you still got question or not. If not, leave thank you.
Reporter: That'll do, thanks guys.
Index: Uban - (Urban) but uban means white hair in Malay
That'll do for today's edition of F.artMed.
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