Kampung Glam

F.artMed researched about all the hype surrounding Kampung Glam. Yes yes, The Straight Times may have already come up with articles about this new hip hangout, but F.artMed decided that our team will dive straight in to talk with the people that put the GLAM back in Kampung Glam.


1. With a 79 year old Taxi Driver. Declined to be named. Known around Singapore only as Mabuk Singh.

Reporter: Hi. I see many taxi drivers here, is this place like a taxi stand?
Mabuk: Ayye, no la. We come here to drink. The drink, good and cheap. Somemore, not noisy. I cannot stand noises.
Reporter: Oh. What do you mean by drinks?
Mabuk: Ayye. Teh tarik...sedap*. Kopi panas*. Teh Halia. Teh Tiger...eh sorry don't have. That one only at my void deck, the neighbourhood mats.
Reporter: Is it crowded even at night?
Mabuk: Yes the sidewalk cafes especially. I love it, we park our taxis here, we sit over there. All my friends come here, especially for our night shifts.
Reporter: I see. So the caffeine helps you stay awake at night?
Mabuk: Nope. We just slack the night away, drinking teh and playing bridge. Hahahaha....
Reporter: But how do you earn like that?
Mabuk: I think it's better for my safety. I'm Mabuk, so it's not safe to drive with me at the steering wheels. HAHAHAHA! Come join us for teh now. (gestures at the owner)Man! Man! (pronounced Mon, as in monday) Kasi teh tarik dua cawan, gula lebih.*
Man (from behind the counter): Siap*...

Being typical Singaporeans, Mr Reporter and Mic Man did not refuse the free teh tarik for the night. This job has its perks man!

2. With a burly looking Arab Sheikh, who owns several cafes along the Baghdad Street/Arab Street Belt.

Sheikh: Ahlan Wasahlan. We know you were coming to interview us today. So we prepared this scrumptious meal just for you. Let's talk over dinner, or shall I say suppper supppper?
Reporter: Ahlalalalalan back. Sorry, not very good with Arab.
Sheikh: Come with us upstairs, special VIP room.
Mic Man: BOSS! Ni nabeh, take off your shoes la, you think your house is it? Cannot read signboard is it?
Reporter: Sorry Sorry, my mistake.
Sheikh: You see we provide a very different kind of atmosphere. So, you can chill and relax and just do whatever you want...
Mic Man: Whatever I want? (looking all excited, about to remove his trousers already)
Sheikh: Well, almost whatever you want but not that please. I cannot stand small packages. Unless you are well hung...Like me! HAHAHAHA (a hearty Arab laugh)
Reporter: So is this place the....(suddenly interrupted)
Sheikh: (gesturing to one of the waitress, a hot minah in a black jubah) Bring on the belly dancers!

3 girls walked onto the raised platform in the middle of the lush carpeted room, dancing to the likes of Amr Diab (not Raihan songs la, so wrong!). One of them looks a lot like the girl who acted as The Official's Wife in the Bukit Kenny Play held by some JC in the Bishan AMK district not too long ago.

Reporter: So Mr Sheikh, how do keep up with... (again, interrupted)
Sheikh: Bring out the house specialty Sheesha.
Reporter: SHEESH (exasperated).
Sheikh: No no, let me teach you. SHEESH-AA. Repeat after me, SHEESH-AA. Sheesha!
Reporter: I've never tried this before, so here goes.

Suddenly, after a few puffs of the Arabian water pipe and a scrumptious Yemeni meal, both Mr Reporter & Mic Man just fell into a deep deep daze. Mr Reporter could not remember anything when he woke up, at 530am, by the endearing Azan from Sultan Mosque. After early morning prayers, the team consolidated their report.

Mic Man: Eh Boss. What happen sia last night? I cannot remember anything liao.
Reporter: Me too, kinda strange isn't it. All I remember was I couldn't get anything from the horse's mouth.
Mic Man: What horse? Kampong Glam is not a kampung anymore, now no more horse. Boss are you sure you are ok? Want me to send you to hospital? Raffles Hospital nearby only hor...
Reporter: I mean, the Sheikh fella, kept giving us things, cannot even ask him how his profits are like these days...
Mic Man: Don't worry Boss, remember we always tape what we interview?
Reporter: Mic Man, you're a genius!
Mic Man: Thankew ah. Last time I went to RI hor, don't see me no up ok...
Reporter: Oh you did?
Mic Man: Just kidding. Ok sshhh let's listen...

Tape: .....shhshhshsh (blurry sounds)........ shhhshshshhh.... (some cricket sounds....plus owl sounds)....... AAahh! AAahh!YES! YES! AaaaH! OoooHHH! YES!........

Reporter: What the fu....
Mic Man: Oops sorry boss. I put in the wrong tape. That was my ren-dez-vez with my China mei-mei.
Reporter: Rendezvous la gondol*. Where's the correct tape?
Mic Man: Dunno, aiyah forget it Boss. Tonight we can go again. Kampong Glam is now glamourous what correct or not?


F.artMed really loves the place, Kampung Glam, and would recommend Singaporeans to venture there for a taste of Arab culture. Let's hope with the impending smoking bans in pubs and cafes, sheeshas will still be allowed. Ahhh...

Index
mabuk - drunkard
sedap - delicious,yummy
panas - hot
kasi - give (me/us)
dua cawan - 2 glasses
gula lebih - more sugar
siap - ready

gondol - botak-head, usually means stupid